Venezolanos: Asados, Whiskey and Jokes

Barbequed lamb. Killed yesterday from a herd on the ranch. Flayed and grilled on the barbque. I, with the priviledged position of being the only woman dinning amongst a group of South American gentlemen, get my choice of the best cuts of meat before they dig in to the offerings. I was delighted to enjoy one of the two lamb kidneys available at dinner.

We have been having asados, whisky, wine and chocolate everyday since the owners of Estancia El Chinchorro, the neighbouring property which Johnny manages, arrived from Venezuela for their biannual visit. Adrual, the owner, is trained as a soil scientist (texan university) and tropical plant biologist (Cornell), brought his son Luis, trained as an industrial engineer, nephew Alberto, trained in agri-business (Louisiana State University) and has an MBA (Spain), as well as a business associate, Julio. Also arrived was Johnny's older brother Santiago, for whom Johnny works.


The Venezuelans were here to check on the property, see the effectiveness of the employees, draw up new goals and budgets for the upcoming year and review the success of the past year. One morning, while the older group were deeply involved in a business meeting, Alberto, Luis and I went to accompany the gauchos at Chinchorro moving a herd from the corral to a pasture and then collect another herd and separate the calves that have not yet been branded. My job was easy, walk along the road in the hopes that the herd would follow my horse, while the others all galloped around making the cattle go where they wanted them to go.


Most of my involvement with the Venezuelans was at lunch and dinner. There I learned that meat is cut differently in South America than it is in North America. Here the animals are separated by their different muscles parallel to the bones. In North America, we cut perpendicular to the bones across multiple muscles. For more information see the Argentina Asado information page. Matambre, served with a lemon and herb dressing, was a favourite at every meal.

The Venezuelans also love to laugh, and so many jokes were told during their stay. Maybe its part of the South American culture to tell jokes, but at home, I don't know anyone that knows or tells jokes so regularly, and with such great success. So when I was asked to contribute I had nothing to share! Now I have a few to reference in the future:

A surfer dude is walking along a beach in California when he finds an old lamp. He rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie says to the surfer dude, "Hey man. I'm not the most capable genie, I'm a little out of sorts, so I'm only going to be able to grant you one wish." The dude says, "What one wish! I'm supposed to get three. But ok." The surfer dude thinks about what the one thing he wants most in the world. He says to the genie, "Ok. Well I like surfing a lot, and I wish that I had rally easy access to the best beaches in Hawaii. So I wish you would build be a bridge from California to Hawaii." The genie says, "Geeze. From California to Hawaii? That's going to be a very long bridge. It's going to take a lot of materials, need a lot of labour and take a lot of time. I'm not sure that's something I can do for you. Why don't you choose another wish." Bummed, the surfer dude says, "Ok. Well you know when a woman says yes but they really mean no. Or when they are PMSing and get all crazy and you have no idea why. Or when they start crying uncontrollably and you don't know what to say or do because everytime its different. My wish is that you grant me the powers to understand exactly what the woman is thinking and needs at all times." The genie says, "Where do you want that bridge built?"

A woman is walking down a road and kicks an old can haphazardly. A genie pops out and says, "I am the genie of the abandoned can! I can grant you three wishes, but know that I am a defective genie. Every wish I grant you I must grant your husband double." The woman says, "Ok. My first wish is that you make me the most beautiful woman in the world." The genie grants her the first wish and makes her the most beautiful woman in the world, and her husband becomes the most perfect speciman of manhood - like a greek god. Impecable. The woman says, "Ok. For my second wish, I want you to make me the richest woman in the world." The genie immediately showers her with millions, jewels and riches she has never before seen. The husband too receives wealth never known by one man before. The genie says, "Now for your last wish. You have beauty and you have wealth, what would you like?" The woman says, "I'd like you to give me a mild heart attack."


I guess the most interesting thing for me about meeting the Venezuelans was hearing about life at home. Venezuela, under the direction of President Chavez, is definitely not in a strong political state currently. People are consuming like crazy, because there is not stability with their curreny nor do people know if or when their posessions might be appropriated from them by the state. For example, owning a ranch in Venezuela, a serious consideration is to kill all the animals and sell the land before the government expropriates it for their own purposes and everything is lost by the private owners. I can't imagine living in a such a state of uncertainty. How can you plan for the future if the economic and political rules are constantly changing?

I learned too that gas is heavily subsidized in Venezuela. And by heavily, I mean you can fill up a 70 - 80 litre tank of gas for 50 cents. I was told the way you pay for gas in Venezuela is with the loose change in your pocket. I asked how that could be at all financially sustainable for the government, and Luis and Alberto laughed saying 1) that financial sustainability is not a concern, it is of no importance to the government and 2) they likely would never even consider putting the conepts of finance and sustainability together in the same thought. Unbelievable.