Venezolanos: Asados, Whiskey and Jokes

Barbequed lamb. Killed yesterday from a herd on the ranch. Flayed and grilled on the barbque. I, with the priviledged position of being the only woman dinning amongst a group of South American gentlemen, get my choice of the best cuts of meat before they dig in to the offerings. I was delighted to enjoy one of the two lamb kidneys available at dinner.

We have been having asados, whisky, wine and chocolate everyday since the owners of Estancia El Chinchorro, the neighbouring property which Johnny manages, arrived from Venezuela for their biannual visit. Adrual, the owner, is trained as a soil scientist (texan university) and tropical plant biologist (Cornell), brought his son Luis, trained as an industrial engineer, nephew Alberto, trained in agri-business (Louisiana State University) and has an MBA (Spain), as well as a business associate, Julio. Also arrived was Johnny's older brother Santiago, for whom Johnny works.


The Venezuelans were here to check on the property, see the effectiveness of the employees, draw up new goals and budgets for the upcoming year and review the success of the past year. One morning, while the older group were deeply involved in a business meeting, Alberto, Luis and I went to accompany the gauchos at Chinchorro moving a herd from the corral to a pasture and then collect another herd and separate the calves that have not yet been branded. My job was easy, walk along the road in the hopes that the herd would follow my horse, while the others all galloped around making the cattle go where they wanted them to go.


Most of my involvement with the Venezuelans was at lunch and dinner. There I learned that meat is cut differently in South America than it is in North America. Here the animals are separated by their different muscles parallel to the bones. In North America, we cut perpendicular to the bones across multiple muscles. For more information see the Argentina Asado information page. Matambre, served with a lemon and herb dressing, was a favourite at every meal.

The Venezuelans also love to laugh, and so many jokes were told during their stay. Maybe its part of the South American culture to tell jokes, but at home, I don't know anyone that knows or tells jokes so regularly, and with such great success. So when I was asked to contribute I had nothing to share! Now I have a few to reference in the future:

A surfer dude is walking along a beach in California when he finds an old lamp. He rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie says to the surfer dude, "Hey man. I'm not the most capable genie, I'm a little out of sorts, so I'm only going to be able to grant you one wish." The dude says, "What one wish! I'm supposed to get three. But ok." The surfer dude thinks about what the one thing he wants most in the world. He says to the genie, "Ok. Well I like surfing a lot, and I wish that I had rally easy access to the best beaches in Hawaii. So I wish you would build be a bridge from California to Hawaii." The genie says, "Geeze. From California to Hawaii? That's going to be a very long bridge. It's going to take a lot of materials, need a lot of labour and take a lot of time. I'm not sure that's something I can do for you. Why don't you choose another wish." Bummed, the surfer dude says, "Ok. Well you know when a woman says yes but they really mean no. Or when they are PMSing and get all crazy and you have no idea why. Or when they start crying uncontrollably and you don't know what to say or do because everytime its different. My wish is that you grant me the powers to understand exactly what the woman is thinking and needs at all times." The genie says, "Where do you want that bridge built?"

A woman is walking down a road and kicks an old can haphazardly. A genie pops out and says, "I am the genie of the abandoned can! I can grant you three wishes, but know that I am a defective genie. Every wish I grant you I must grant your husband double." The woman says, "Ok. My first wish is that you make me the most beautiful woman in the world." The genie grants her the first wish and makes her the most beautiful woman in the world, and her husband becomes the most perfect speciman of manhood - like a greek god. Impecable. The woman says, "Ok. For my second wish, I want you to make me the richest woman in the world." The genie immediately showers her with millions, jewels and riches she has never before seen. The husband too receives wealth never known by one man before. The genie says, "Now for your last wish. You have beauty and you have wealth, what would you like?" The woman says, "I'd like you to give me a mild heart attack."


I guess the most interesting thing for me about meeting the Venezuelans was hearing about life at home. Venezuela, under the direction of President Chavez, is definitely not in a strong political state currently. People are consuming like crazy, because there is not stability with their curreny nor do people know if or when their posessions might be appropriated from them by the state. For example, owning a ranch in Venezuela, a serious consideration is to kill all the animals and sell the land before the government expropriates it for their own purposes and everything is lost by the private owners. I can't imagine living in a such a state of uncertainty. How can you plan for the future if the economic and political rules are constantly changing?

I learned too that gas is heavily subsidized in Venezuela. And by heavily, I mean you can fill up a 70 - 80 litre tank of gas for 50 cents. I was told the way you pay for gas in Venezuela is with the loose change in your pocket. I asked how that could be at all financially sustainable for the government, and Luis and Alberto laughed saying 1) that financial sustainability is not a concern, it is of no importance to the government and 2) they likely would never even consider putting the conepts of finance and sustainability together in the same thought. Unbelievable.

Estancia Chinchorro, Formosa: Cow Reproduction

This is a cow's reproductive system. Today I had my arm elbow deep into three cows to feel if the were pregnant or not. The vet performed this examination on all 205 cows of a small herd.

The reproductive system of a cow works as follows. The cow ovulates every 21 days approximately. At the ranch, the bulls are put with the cows for springtime mating season in October, November and December - all conception happens naturally on the ranches which I didn't expect since artificial insemination is very popular in Canada. The sperm enters both uterus horns to fertilize an egg that will have been dropped into the top of the oviduct, the trumpet, of one of the uteri. Typically pregnancy happens in the right uterus since the cow's rumen is near the left uterus and its activity increases the temperature of this uterus which makes it less likely for conception to happen there.

When I reached into the three cows it was to feel three different situations. In the first, the cow was already about 120 days pregnant which for this time of year is very developed, which meant that the fetus was quite large. I put my hand in (wearing a shoulder high plastic glove) and with my fingers felt a small round hardness in a soft liquid filled sac. Basically if I tapped the small hardness, it would bounce down and then back up. This was the fetus in the amiotic fluid in the uterus. In the second cow, which was not pregnant, I felt the uterus wall. The cow was very skinny so it was apparently easier to feel that there wasn't any pregnancy present. The uteran wall felt spongy like a muscle. In the third cow, also not pregnant, I felt the cervix which is very hard and the length of maybe three fingers.

It was very interesting for me to feel inside a cow. Shit is everywhere, in my case blood to because I had my arm under the vet's arm so he could guide my fingers and try to explain what I was feeling, and the inside of a living creature is so mysterious to me. The vet, Diego, was very quick with each animal, and he says the hardest part of the job is to distinguish between non-pregnant and a small (early) pregnancy.

So what are the logistics required to make this examination all possible? First we gathered five gauchos from the two estancias. Three we brought in the pick-up in the morning and two were already onsite with the animals carralled into different pens and a fire with branding irons being heated.

The cows are guided from a paddock into a narrow channel which forces them into a single line between two sliding gates. When the gates are closed, the cows are unable to move forward or backwards, and they are given two vaccinations and branded with a number 1 from above. The vaccinations are to prevent miscarriages and provide nutrients, one pink and one white, shot into the neck of the cows with a vaccination gun (I also got to do this), and the number 1 branding iron hot from the fire indicates that this cow has birthed one calf.

Once the cows are vaccinated and branded, the front door opens and one cow is let forward, then trapped by wood restraints that close around the cows neck and hips. At this point the vet, Diego, goes behind the cow and reaches in to examine for a pregnancy. If the cow is pregnant it is released and directed to a paddock with other pregnant cows. If the cow is not pregnant, it is branded again with a big X beside the number one to show that it was not successful at getting pregnant and separated into a paddock with other non-pregnant cows. I also got to brand a cow today!















The process was quite smooth. Four cows escaped into the non-pregnant paddock between getting vaccinated and being examined, which meant that we had to filter through the non-pregnant herd a second time to isolate the unexamined cows. During this process one of the four escaped again, which meant it had to be chased down and lassooed by the gauchos to be examined.

I think it is funny to be working with gauchos, sort of like a South American cowboy. These men live in outdoors and work with cattle on horseback. They even have a type of style with broad-rimmed hats, stripped canvas chaps, canvas shoes, dress shirt and neck scarf. Many work barefoot too including one of the guys today which I couldn't believe.

Apparently, Johnny says that the invention of the cellphone and the motorcycle changes the gaucho lifestyle completely. Alcoholism has always been a problem among the gaucho population, but now access via communication and rapid transportation makes the alcoholism more damaging.

Estancia Salvacion, Formosa, Argentina: Arrival

I arrived at the Paraguay international airport in Ascuncion yesterday around midday. There I was picked up by a driver and brought across the border to Argentina. The border crossing was extremely relaxed so much so that Richar, my driver, was able to take my passport for me to the two emmigration desks to exit Paraguay and enter Argentina while I stayed in the air conditioned car. Apparently, you can get anything through the border if you pay enough.

We drove from the border, la frontera, to Clorinda the small (200,000 residents) border town. There I was picked up by Johnny, my host for the next month. Johnny manages Estancia Salvacion for his father and the neighbouring Estancia Chinchorro for its Venezuelan owners. Estancia Salvacion has been in the family for 20 years. It is 27,800 hectares which is about 68,700 acres. Estancia Chinchorro is 15,500 hectares whic is about 38,300 acres. Between the two properties of over 100,000 acres, there are around 20,000 head of livestock including beef cattle, sheep and buffalo.




One of the first things I remarked about the land here is that it is very flat. Without the palm trees, I would feel like I was in Saskatchewan I imagine. When we drove through the property gates, the first thing I saw was four big trucks coming our way on the dirt road. These were filled with 1,350 calves that were being driven south 1,300km to the province of Buenos Aries to be fattened up.

After lunch, we drove through some of the property to see and to pick up a Paraguayan worker that was going back to town until Monday. Here, many of the workers are from Paraguay because of the proximity to the border, and the fact that Paraguay is a very poor country. I have learned that pretty much anything goes in Paraguay. There are little taxes which is good for quasi-legal importing and exporting businesses, but it also means there is no money to provide health care, welfare or infrastructure to Paraguayans. As a result, the people work very hard because they know if they don't, they won't eat. In contrast, the Argentinian government charges a lot of taxes and has huge safety nets for its citizens, which among other thigs has promoted a less productive and hard-working people. I do however like that Argentina practices the siesta, afternoon nap, and literally everything shuts down for a few hours after lunch.

On our tour to pick up the Paraguayan, who loaded all of his camping gear into the back of the truck then jumped into the back of the truck as well as we headed to the highway, we passed a number of acres that are dedicated to rice production on the property. The landscape was very powerful with the dry yellow of the rice plants being cultivated by machines, the deep blue of the levees between the rice paddy's where water was redirected and stored from the local river for the purpose of flooding the fields, and the vibrant green of the young rice fields.





At night time, there was a family gathering for Diego, the resident veterinarian. We had a asado a la parrilla, barbequed meet. After being in Argentina for only 9 hrs, I already knew that I liked my meat cuidado, tender. It will take me a few days to switch from Portguese to Spanish, which is evident by the fact that I keep saying obrigada and muito bao to everyone instead of gracias and muy bien, but I know it will come quickly.

One of the best parts of living here I think will be the massive toads that take over the walkway at night to eat the flies that are attracted to the balcony lights. They are as big as rats if not bigger! I was warned though to be careful of snakes in the dark and not to move any wood or items under which they may be hiding. In the 20 years on the farm, there have only been two seriously deadly snake bites that required anti-poison antidotes and hospitalization, and one of these was last week. I'll be careful.